


clown to clown communication

by sakradevi



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Universe, Chatting & Messaging, Getting Together, M/M, Memes, Mutual Pining, Texting, gratuitous references to the valkyrie server, im on so much crack that the local crack house asks me to be their supplier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27610516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakradevi/pseuds/sakradevi
Summary: meek:(●´□`)♡ nyah~ oshi-sanShu Itsuki:Heh.getawataroom:*points at username*Natsume makes what is arguably the worst decision of his life: making a group chat for the Oddballs. As expected, all hell breaks loose.(akathe crack chatfic that no one asked for but I'm unleashing it on the world anyway)
Relationships: Hibiki Wataru/Tenshouin Eichi, Itsuki Shuu/Kagehira Mika, Kagehira Mika & Sakasaki Natsume
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89





	1. lunatics? in MY group chat? it’s more likely than you think

**Author's Note:**

> hello welcome to the oddballs/shumika centric ~~crack~~ chatfic this is further evidence that i am mentally unstable pls enjoy thank u 
> 
> most of it was inspired by the shenanigans and hjinks that go down in the [valkyrieP discord server](https://discord.gg/Dc5KQs6uF3) y’all are literally insane i luv u guys <3 other parts inspired by my friends bc i love them too :,) tldr i am Like This because i willfully surround myself with lunatics 
> 
> this is gonna be multi-chapter and ideally updated once a week we will see how *~Inspired~* i get (see: how much i want to avoid my responsibilities) 
> 
> takes place in ! universe but doesn’t _necessarily_ follow the canon story. i’m literally just doing whatever lol. main ship will be shumika ofc but there will also be reikoga, wataei, and rinniki in future chapters =) i will add tags/ships/characters as they appear and leave any possible trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter!
> 
> this is a crackfic don’t expect it to be ~Deep~ and ~Meaningful~ i wrote this bc chatfics are super fun to write and super great stress relievers. i hope u find it funney 
> 
> ok i'm going to stop talking now. Welcome To My Twisted Mind 
> 
> **character info as of ch.1:**  
>  natsume - natsumeme (admin)  
> wataru - getawataroom  
> rei - sakumannn  
> shu - Shu Itsuki  
> kanata - fishboy  
> mika - meek  
> tsumugi - tsumugay

**_> natsumeme _ ** _has added_ **_getawataroom, sakumannn, Shu Itsuki, fishboy, meek,_ ** _and_ **_tsumugay_ ** _to_ **_high school more like hell school_ **

**natsumeme:** hey lunatics

 **tsumugay:** oh no not the lunatics

 **getawataroom:** oh YES the lunatics

 **getawataroom:** hello fellow clowns

 **natsumeme:** ur the only clown here hello

 **fishboy:** nacchan you literally do magic tricks though?~

 **natsumeme:** ??????? and your point?????

 **natsumeme:** pretty sure that doesn’t make me a clown

 **natsumeme:** wait

 **natsumeme:** do clowns do magic?

 **getawataroom:** (gestures vaguely at self)

 **getawataroom:** do i need to spell it out for you 

**natsumeme:** maybe

 **tsumugay:** wtf do you think clowns do

 **natsumeme:** idfk i try not to think about them

 **natsumeme:** all clowns know is wear shoes that don’t fit and get in cars they don’t know how to drive

 **natsumeme:** and have bad hair

 **fishboy:** oh, so clowns are just gay people

 **fishboy:** i understand now! ^_^ 

**tsumugay:** NO?

 **tsumugay:** THAT’S LITERALLY NOT HOW THAT WORKS AT ALL?

 **getawataroom:** well i’m a clown and i’m gay so 

**getawataroom:** Ding Dong You Are Wrong

 **getawataroom:** actually wait hold the phone my hair is fantastic 

**getawataroom:** does this mean i’m not actually a clown

 **getawataroom:** oh my god

 **getawataroom:** it’s only like 9 am it’s too early to be having an identity crisis

 **fishboy:** looks like you’re having a clown crisis…

 **fishboy:** :(

 **getawataroom:** *honks my red nose in dejection*

 **fishboy:** *hears a sad honk*

 **fishboy:** :(

 **Shu Itsuki:** Lord help us all. 

**fishboy:** shuuu :D

 **getawataroom:** look who decided to show up

 **getawataroom:** in the middle of my first mental breakdown of the day too

 **getawataroom:** smh

 **Shu Itsuki:** Your first?

 **getawataroom:** are you new here

 **tsumugay:** hi shu

 **natsumeme:** ew it’s shu nii-san

 **Shu Itsuki:** Shut up, boy.

 **natsumeme:** no ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

**fishboy:** but wait... backing up a bit, i thought we were eccentrics?

 **natsumeme:** well we are

 **natsumeme:** technically

 **fishboy:** oh okay

 **fishboy:** so are we lunatics now?

 **natsumeme:** always have been

 **getawataroom:** i think that we’re just lunatics by extension

 **getawataroom:** like

 **getawataroom:** exhibit a: kanata is literally in the fountain right now

 **getawataroom:** me and rei can see him

 **fishboy:** hello~ :D

 **natsumeme:** wtf aren’t you guys supposed to be in class

 **Shu Itsuki:** Aren’t you?

 **natsume:** big talk coming from the guy who i KNOW for a fact has a garbage attendance record

 **Shu Itsuki:** You’re dodging the question.

 **natsumeme:** sorry Mom

 **Shu Itsuki:** Don’t call me that.

 **natsumeme:** okay Mom

 **Shu Itsuki:** You should go to class. Maybe then you’ll learn how to read.

 **natsumeme:** (puts my middle finger up at you)

 **Shu Itsuki:** You need to respect your elders.

 **natsumeme:** lmfao SHUT UP you’re like a year older than me

 **Shu Itsuki:** You were /literally/ calling me mom two minutes ago.

 **getawataroom:** lol natsume-kun pick a struggle

 **natsumeme:** wow i sure am glad that i have two hands

 **natsumeme:** (puts my other middle finger up at you)

 **fishboy:** hehe

 **fishboy:** funny

 **Shu Itsuki:** Kanata.

 **Shu Itsuki:** No.

 **fishboy:** D:

 **meek:** owo what’s this????

 **natsumeme:** MEEKS (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ 

**meek:** NACCHAN ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) 

**Shu Itsuki:** Oh, I didn’t realize you were here as well. 

**Shu Itsuki:** It’s a group chat, Kagehira.

 **natsumeme:** lol shu nii-san i just noticed why is ur name like that lol

 **natsumeme:** boomer

 **Shu Itsuki:** What’s a boomer?

 **natsumeme:** u

 **natsumeme:** *slaps my uno reverse card on the table* maybe YOU should go to class so YOU can learn how to read

 **Shu Itsuki:** I know how to read. I saw that it said boomer. I don’t know what the word means, so I asked for clarification.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Asking for a definition isn’t a sign of weakness, nor an indication of my proposed inability to read. 

**Shu Itsuki:** In essence, I know how to read and you don’t know when to stop talking. 

**tsumugay:** damn lol when did this become the spelling bee

 **tsumugay:** “can you define the word for me” lol

 **Shu Itsuki:** Shut up, Aoba.

 **natsumeme:** stfu 

**tsumugay:** ok

 **getawataroom:** “boomer”

 **getawataroom:** you guys are wrong the only real boomer here is rei

 **getawataroom:** shu is just a Proper Grammar And Capitalization And Punctuation elitist 

**Shu Itsuki:** You should’ve included a comma. And you shouldn’t have included so many “ands.”

 **natsumeme:** do you get paid to do this

 **Shu Itsuki:** No, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it if the opportunity arose. 

**natsumeme:** why the fuck would anyone fling money at you

 **tsumugay:** they were in the mood to make poor choices?

 **Shu Itsuki:** Why is he still here?

 **getawataroom:** btw speaking of rei i’m with him right now someone please remove him from this group for the sake of (all of ours, but mostly) my mental health

 **getawataroom:** he keeps asking me why his phone won’t stop beeping and i am Over It

 **natsumeme:** just take it from him

 **natsumeme:** and yoit it into the fountain

 **fishboy:** … but i live there

 **fishboy:** i would enjoy not being a victim of property damage~

 **fishboy:** plus what if you hit me D:

 **natsumeme:** and?

 **tsumugay:** i think you’re using the word ‘yoit’ incorrectly

 **tsumugay:** i’m pretty sure the correct usage in that sentence would be “yeet”

 **tsumugay:** like “yeet it into the fountain”

 **tsumugay:** like i think yoit is the future progressive tense

 **tsumugay:** so you could say “it will be yoit”

 **tsumugay:** but if you say “i’m going to yoit” it doesn’t sound right

 **tsumugay:** oh and i think the past tense of yeet is yote

 **natsumeme:** stfu i am going to yoit you into the fountain

 **getawataroom:** ^

 **Shu Itsuki:** ^

 **meek:** ^

 **fishboy:** ^

 **fishboy:** actually wait no i take that back

 **fishboy:** please do not yoit him into my fountain

 **fishboy:** thank you very much :)

 **Shu Itsuki:** I don’t think the location necessarily matters. We’re all agreeing with the sentiment.

 **meek:** mhm!!! just like oshi-san said, we can pick a different place if thats more to ur likin c:

 **meek:** any suggestions?

 **natsumeme:** lmfao kanata nii-san

 **getawataroom:** there’s the broadcasting room

 **getawataroom:** we could give nito-kun a little surprise lol

 **Shu Itsuki:** Please don’t mention him around me.

 **getawataroom:** oh

 **getawataroom:** OH

 **getawataroom:** MY BAD SORRY SORRY SORRY

 **meek:** nnnnnn oshi-san ;-;

 **Shu Itsuki:** It’s fine.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Just don’t do it again, please.

 **meek:** uaaahhhhhh

 **meek:** (pets the oshi-san)

 **Shu Itsuki:** (is petted)

 **tsumugay:** why am i even here

 **natsumeme:** good question why are you here

 **_natsumeme_ ** _removed_ **_tsumugay_ ** _from_ **_high school more like hell school_ **

**Shu Itsuki:** ... So.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Is he coming back?

 **natsumeme:** no

 **Shu Itsuki:** Oh thank god.

 **meek:** nice

 **Shu Itsuki:** Good riddance.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Anyway, hello Kagehira.

 **meek:** eheheh :3 hiya!

 **meek:** oshi-san ur hairs rlly soft uwaaah

 **Shu Itsuki:** Is it? I try to take very good care of it, so I’m glad that you think so.

 **meek:** mhhhmm!! s really soft, wish mine was that soft

 **Shu Itsuki:** Hmm. It’s not like yours is brittle or anything, but it could be healthier.

 **Shu Itsuki:** I’ll give you some nice conditioner to try out tonight. I’ll see how your hair reacts to it. 

**Shu Itsuki:** And afterwards I’ll give you a head massage—allegedly, it’s good for the roots and helps soften the strands up. 

**Shu Itsuki:** You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

 **meek:** (●´□`)♡ nyah~ oshi-san

 **Shu Itsuki:** Heh. 

**getawataroom:** *points at username*

 **fishboy:** i feel like i shouldn’t be here...

 **natsumeme:** holy SHIT i put my phone down for like five minutes and valkyrie is being HOMOSEXUAL on main

 **natsumeme:** WHY ARE YOU TWO ROLEPLAYING HELLO????

 **getawataroom:** scratch roleplaying they’ve gone from rping to straight up flirting in public 

**meek:** what

 **Shu Itsuki:** “Roleplaying.” “Flirting.”

 **Shu Itsuki:** My god.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Ignore them, Kagehira. They’ll never understand the bond between an artist and his partner.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Hmph.

 **meek:** yeah :D u tell em oshi-san!! 

**meek:** nobody gets me like u do :3

 **meek:** welllll naruchan does too lol but shes not here 

**Shu Itsuki:** She’s lucky.

 **fishboy:** valkyrie why

 **natsumeme:** wtf MEEKS I GET U

 **natsumeme:** #attacked #sad #betrayed #crying #breakingshit

 **getawataroom:** i thought i was the one who was supposed to be emotional

 **getawataroom:** when did i lose my job security

 **natsumeme:** let me have my five minutes of fame

 **fishboy:** oooh! today i learned that having a breakdown in front of others makes you famous :)

 **Shu Itsuki:** Haven’t you ever heard of Britney?

 **natsumeme:** .

 **getawataroom:** .

 **fishboy:** no?

 **Shu Itsuki:** You don’t know who Britney Spears is?

 **natsumeme:** YOU DO?

 **natsumeme:** was anyone going to tell me Shu Nii-san Itsuki knows who britney spears is or did i have to learn it myself from this absolute train wreck of a group chat 

**meek:** he’s cultured

 **getawataroom:** oh my god

 **natsumeme:** help this is the timeline where valkyrie knows who britney spears is

 **natsumeme:** (RATTLES MY CAGE) GET ME OUT OF HERE

 **Shu Itsuki:** She’s a world-class icon in the pop music industry. Why /wouldn’t/ I know who she is?

 **Shu Itsuki:** Another reason why you should go to class.

 **natsumeme:** oh my GOD STOP WITH THE “u sHoUlD gO tO cLaSs” 

**getawataroom:** pause

 **getawataroom:** shu are you implying that you learned who britney spears is through class

 **Shu Itsuki:** It may have come up. Once or twice.

 **getawataroom:** ಠ▃ಠ

 **getawataroom:** what in the ever loving FUCK goes on in 3-a 

**Shu Itsuki:** Wouldn’t you like to know, clown boy. 

**getawataroom:** brb texting You Know Whom right now i need answers

**_> getawataroom_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_ayyychi._ **

**getawataroom:** eichi-kun

 **getawataroom:** eichi-kun

 **getawataroom:** eichi-kun

 **getawataroom:** eichi-kun i have an important question i need answers

 **getawataroom:** eichi-kun

 **getawataroom:** eichi-kun time sensitive question

 **getawataroom:** eichi-kun

 **ayyychi:** hello what i’m here now

 **ayyychi:** what’s your question?

 **getawataroom:** okay so i heard through the grapevine that britney came up in 3-a

 **getawataroom:** is this true

 **ayyychi:** ohhh yeah i forgot about that lol

 **ayyychi:** yeah it came up once or twice

 **getawataroom:** in what context

 **ayyychi:** sena-kun

 **getawataroom:** everything makes sense now

 **ayyychi:** yeah lol 

**getawataroom:** okay :)

 **ayyychi:** do you have any other questions?

 **getawataroom:** i think i’ve—

 **getawataroom:** wait.

 **getawataroom:** i’ll see you at the hospital tonight?

 **ayyychi:** yeah. i’ll be here

 **ayyychi:** can’t wait to see you :)

 **getawataroom:** fufu, i’ll see you soon then

 **getawataroom:** (^ω<)☆~

**_> high school more like hell school_ **

**meek:** lol wait oshi-san r u gonna talk about how u spent hours on the britney spears wikipedia page in the library that one time

 **Shu Itsuki:** KAGEHIRA.

 **meek:** huh

 **meek:** oh shit

 **meek:** oops D:

 **natsumeme:** YOU DID /WHAT/

 **getawataroom:** the plot thickens

 **fishboy:** wait i still don’t get it

 **fishboy:** who’s britney?

 **natsumeme:** britney is an icon

 **natsumeme:** the peak of elegance

 **meek:** she shakes her ass live on stage

 **natsumeme:** a lil ass shakin never hurt anyone

 **fishboy:** okay that’s enough of this chat for today

 **getawataroom:** coward

 **natsumeme:** coward

 **Shu Itsuki:** Kanata, go look her up on wikipedia. You’ll find lots of information about her there.

 **fishboy:** shu i don’t know how to read

 **Shu Itsuki:** Oh my god why are none of you in class.

 **meek:** m in class!!! :)

 **Shu Itsuki:** Good— 

**Shu Itsuki:** Wait.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Why are you on your phone.

 **meek:** :3

 **Shu Itsuki:** Don’t :3 me.

 **getawataroom:** ah yes the parental figure

 **getawataroom:** Shu Itsuki

 **getawataroom:** why does that sound so wrong

 **natsumeme:** shu nii-san PLEASE as if you’re /not/ on your phone too

 **Shu Itsuki:** …

 **Shu Itsuki:** Leaving.

**_> tsumugay _ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_natsumeme._ **

**tsumugay:** why would you even add me to the group chat

 **tsumugay:** if you’re just going to remove me???

 **natsumeme:** are u mad

 **natsumeme:** like legitimately

 **natsumeme:** ?

 **tsumugay:** i mean like

 **tsumugay:** idk if i would say that i’m /mad/

 **tsumugay:** more like annoyed

 **tsumugay:** i guess

 **natsumeme:** oh

 **natsumeme:** well sorry

 **natsumeme:** :/

 **tsumugay:** :/

**_> meek_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_Shu Itsuki._ **

**meek:** nyah

 **Shu Itsuki:** ?

 **meek:** nyaaaahhhh

 **Shu Itsuki:** Kagehira. I’ve already told you plenty of times before. You need to speak more clearly.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Goodness. Even through text you’re obnoxious as ever.

 **meek:** nyaaaahhhhh

 **meek:** mmm sorryyyyy oshi-saannnnnn

 **meek:** m just bored lol

 **Shu Itsuki:** Aren’t you still in class?

 **meek:** yeah

 **meek:** but ‘s borinnnnnnn

 **meek:** what’re ya doinnnnnnn?

 **Shu Itsuki:** I have a free period, so I’m in the handicraft room.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Go pay attention in class. 

**meek:** mmmnnhhahhhshshdjahjasdja nahhhh m fine really

 **meek:** if i fall behind a lil bit it wont be too bad plus naru-chan said she’ll tutor me so 

**meek:** and ooooooh!!!!

 **meek:** whatcha makin’ :3

 **Shu Itsuki:** The buttons on our stage outfits were looking a little loose, so I’m tightening them up.

 **meek:** can i help??? :3

 **Shu Itsuki:** No.

 **Shu Itsuki:** You’re in class. 

**Shu Itsuki:** Besides, you would only slow me down.

 **meek:** dats not true :( m very very helpful ^_^

 **meek:** can i come

 **meek:** pls

 **meek:** plssssss

 **meek:** pllleeeeaaaasssssewwwweeee?

 **meek:** lol i made a typo but it says ‘sew’ i think this is my callin

 **meek:** :3

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... You’re not going to stop asking, are you?

 **meek:** :3c

 **Shu Itsuki:** Fine.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Only if you can get here without your teacher noticing AND if you go and get help from Narukami on the school work you missed.

 **meek:** :D

 **meek:** YAAAAYYYYY

 **meek:** SEE U SOON OSHI-SAN!!!!! 

**Shu Itsuki:** See you soon.

**_> high school more like hell school_ **

**sakumannn:** Hello everyone

 **sakumannn:** I finally figured out how this works

 **sakumannn:** Wait where did everyone go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi congratulations you finished reading ch1 of the chatfic from hell i’m deranged if you couldn’t tell already  
> sorry tsumugi likers he's just so easy to bully
> 
> um if you want to see the clownery in action join the valkp server but very very very VERY clear disclosure we are all in need of professional help
> 
> but yeah see you in chapter 2 :swagdonee: 
> 
> if you like my content please consider supporting me!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/sakradevi) | [my other works](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakradevi/works) | [valkyrieP discord server](https://discord.gg/HFAyXUN) ☆彡


	2. it is not natsume’s turn to use the oddballs braincell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> """fleets"""", emoji, more fleets (but somehow ever worse), and some plot development
> 
> enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome to c2cc chapter #2 aka the chapter based on very recent events because i socialize with insane people
> 
> twitter wtf are you doing "fleets" headass i don't give a FUCK give me an edit button 
> 
> also here is [the famed :mikawhat:](https://i.imgur.com/MAnGZL8.png) for ppl who aren't in the valkyrieP server (like... u should be. we have cool (see: Fantastic) emojis. among other things)
> 
> i dare u to look me in the eye and tell me to my face that he DOESN'T look like a fish. i double dog DARE u.

**> high school more like hell school**

**_natsumeme_ ** _sent one link_

 **natsumeme:** have y’all seen this shit

 **sakumannn:** What

 **sakumannn:** More Twitter changes?

 **sakumannn:** I still don’t even know why you guys even use Twitter

 **sakumannn:** Like

 **sakumannn:** What is the point

 **sakumannn:** What do you even do

 **Shu Itsuki:** Rei, you have a Twitter.

 **sakumannn:** I do

 **fishboy:** rei your only tweet is a blurry picture of a glass of tomato juice with the hashtag “scrumptious”

 **fishboy:** so i don’t really understand your question

 **fishboy:** because i think that you’ve mastered it already :)

 **meek:** m pretty sure 

**natsumeme:** i use twitter bc i like to start fights

 **natsumeme:** for fun

 **sakumannn:** ... Makes sense

 **natsumeme:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

**getawataroom:** question 1: why

 **getawataroom:** question 2: who is actually going to use that

 **getawataroom:** question 3: FLEET?

 **fishboy:** fleet...

 **fishboy:** like... boats? in the ocean?

 **fishboy:** why 

**meek:** maybe twitter just wants us to channel our inner fish :)

 **Shu Itsuki:** Our /what./

 **meek:** yanno...

 **meek:** our inner fish :)

 **fishboy:** :)

 **getawataroom:** what on god’s green earth are you two talking about

 **fishboy:** can i talk about fish facts?

 **Shu Itsuki:** (inhale) Go ahead.

 **getawataroom:** (braces self for the infodump about fish facts)

 **getawataroom:** (is also excited beecause i enjoy seeing my friends be passion about their interests very much)

 **fishboy:** :)

 **fishboy:** okay so! we really all do have an inner fish

 **meek:** :D am fish

 **natsumeme:** ... like metaphorically

 **natsumeme:** because i Do Not Like the idea of a literal fish inside of me

 **natsumeme:** hard pass

 **sakumannn:** We are filled with smaller friends inside 

**Shu** **Itsuki: ...**

 **getawataroom:** hey hey hey hey rei?

 **getawataroom:** stop appearing just to send cryptic messages and then disappearing without explanation

 **sakumannn:** No

 **getawataroom:** understandable have a great day

 **sakumannn:** It’s part of my aesthetic

 **meek:** what 

**fishboy:** we do though!!!

 **fishboy:** we all share a common ancestor, and we came from fish at some point, so we share our dna with fish

 **fishboy:** so, we have an inner fish

 **fishboy:** (sometimes several)

 **fishboy:** :)

 **Shu Itsuki:** ...

 **Shu Itsuki:** I feel strangely enlightened now.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Thank you for the fish facts.

 **Shu Itsuki:** I’m going to proceed to never think about how I’m related to fish ever again. 

**meek:** fishy-san :)

 **Shu Itsuki:** Do not.

 **sakumannn:** He already did

 **Shu Itsuki:** ...

 **Shu Itsuki:** Do not continue that thought any further.

 **natsumeme:** lol shu nii-san u kinda look like a fish tho

 **Shu Itsuki:** WHAT.

 **meek:** fishy-san :))))

 **Shu Itsuki:** I’m blocking both of you.

 **fishboy:** maybe i can put you in my fish tank

 **fishboy:** the sea creatures get lonely so they could use another friend :)

 **meek:** AWWW!!!!

 **meek:** oshi-san u could keep the fishies company :)

 **meek:** their fish friend :)

 **Shu Itsuki:** All of you need to stop associating me with fish.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Immediately. 

**getawataroom:** lmfao you do look like a fish tho

 **sakumannn:** I can see it, too

 **natsumeme:** everyone here :handshake: having taste

 **natsumeme:** wait

 **natsumeme:** meeks

 **meek:** ?

 **natsumeme:** meeks u kinda look like a fish too

 **meek:** what

 **Shu Itsuki:** What.

 **fishboy:** yeah!!!!

 **fishboy:** mi-san looks like a fish :)

 **fishboy:** if you ever want to come and say hi to the sea creatures, they would be very happy to make fish friends :)

 **meek:** how do i look like a fish

 **getawataroom:** i can’t see you right now but i’m pretty sure you’re making That expression

 **getawataroom:** the uhhh

 **natsumeme:** the fish one

 **getawataroom:** yeah

 **meek:** what

**Shu Itsuki: ...**

**Shu Itsuki:** ... I’m with him right now.

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... He is. 

**Shu Itsuki:** Making the fish expression.

 **meek:** what

 **meek:** what are you guys talking about

 **_Shu Itsuki_ ** _sent one image_

 **natsumeme:** YEAH

 **natsumeme:** YEAH THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

 **sakumannn:** Ohhh, yeah, he does kind of look like a fish

 **meek:** what

 **natsumeme:** wait i have an idea hold on

 **fishboy:** oh?

 **natsumeme:** ok here

 **natsumeme:** :mikawhat:

 **meek:** WHAT

 **fishboy:** :mikawhat:

 **getawataroom:** :mikawhat:

 **Shu Itsuki:** :mikawhat:

 **sakumannn:** :mikawhat:

 **getawataroom:** HELP THAT’S EXACTLY THE FACE I WAS THINKING OF

 **getawataroom:** :mikawhat: :mikawhat: :mikawhat: :mikawhat:

 **meek:** HOW DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A FISH

 **meek:** YOU GUYS ARE INSANE

 **natsumeme:** lunatics is the preferred term

**natsumeme: (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞**

**meek:** im not sending that emoji back

 **meek:** this is what u get for callin me a FISH

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... 

**Shu Itsuki:** You look like a fish when you make that expression.

 **meek:** oshi-san wtf you were the one that got called a fish in the first place how did this get spun onto me 

**meek:** im just a simple meek im not a fish

 **fishboy:** not with that attitude :)

 **meek:** i take a very strong Im Not A Fish attitude o^o

 **meek:** no more fish meek society has progressed past the need for fish meek

 **sakumannn:** :mikawhat:

 **meek:** I CAN’T BELIEVE /YOU/ OF ALL PEOPLE ARE USING THAT EMOJI

 **sakumannn:** Heh

 **meek:** i am

 **meek:** no more fish meek im changing the topic

 **getawataroom:** bet

 **meek:** back to fleets

 **Shu Itsuki:** God no.

 **natsumeme:** he’s trying 

**natsumeme:** let him escape from fishdom

 **fishboy:** pain is temporary being a fish is forever

 **Shu Itsuki:** Do I dare ask what in god’s name that means?

 **fishboy:** :mikawhat:

 **getawataroom:** holy crap

 **getawataroom:** kanata’s seen some shit

 **fishboy:** :)

 **sakumannn:** I feel threatened

 **meek:** ... lol so i know what m gonna b spammin spammin my fleets with >:3

 **Shu Itsuki:** ...Do I even want to know?

 **natsumeme:** pics of fish

 **fishboy:** no that’s mine

 **getawataroom:** how much do you wanna bet it’s just going to be low-res pics of shu taken when he’s not looking

 **getawataroom:** like bad angles of him too

 **getawataroom:** cuz mika-kun is tiny

 **meek:** ... am i really that easy to read?

 **getawataroom:** yes

 **fishboy:** yes

 **meek:** ohh...

 **Shu Itsuki:** Do not do that.

 **meek:** (says the one that just sent the worst pic of me EVER to the gc ok ok ok ok okkkkk)

 **Shu Itsuki:** (It’s not the worst picture ever. You’re being dramatic.)

 **Shu Itsuki:** (You look fine, really.)

 **meek:** but it woud b so fun !!!

 **meek:** (uwaahh,)

 **meek:** i just wanna show all my followers how nice ya always look to me :c

 **Shu Itsuki:** If that’s your real intention, then you can just send them a link to my Twitter.

 **natsumeme:** wtf shu nii-san shamelessy asking for a promo

 **meek:** LOL “promo”

 **meek:** promoshi-san

 **Shu Itsuki:** I’m not /asking/ for a promo. It seemed like you were offering.

 **Shu Itsuki:** I have dignity.

 **natsumeme:** thats new lol

 **Shu Itsuki:** It absolutely is not.

 **natsumeme:** did you have dignity the time you got banned from a fabric store

 **fishboy:** i remember chocofest :) 

**meek:** you attacked a computer with an axe too

 **Shu Itsuki:** None of you have any evidence that any of that actually took place.

 **Shu Itsuki:** I am a dignified individual. 

**getawataroom:** ok wait no

 **getawataroom:** shu you can’t do that

 **Shu Itsuki:** Do what?

 **getawataroom:** the conspiracy theory arguments

 **getawataroom:** “oh i didn’t /actually do that” or “you guys don’t know the /real/ facts”

 **getawataroom:** aka you’re never wrong because the facts are what you make them

 **getawataroom:** you can’t just take factual claims you don’t like and call them fake like

 **getawataroom:** :mikawhat:

 **natsumeme:** lol shu nii-san conspiracy theorist

 **meek:** i should’ve done that when you were all calling me a fish

 **fishboy:** :mikawhat:

 **Shu Itsuki:** I am not a conspiracy theorist. 

**Shu Itsuki:** I believe in facts and logic. 

**Shu Itsuki:** I’m not even using conspiracy theorist tactics.

 **getawataroom:** you are literally doing it right now

 **sakumannn:** (Facepalm)

 **natsumeme:** lmfao

 **Shu Itsuki:** None of you have any idea what you’re talking about.

 **fishboy:** i don’t know whats going on but i do indeed remember your ~episode~ from chocofest in the school kitchen :)

 **meek:** i was there too!!

 **fishboy:** yeah :)

 **natsumeme:** (cue my loudest audible groan ever)

 **getawataroom:** hey natsume-kun do you want to make a callout post for shu lol

 **natsumeme:** i have like six different ones in my drafts

 **natsumeme:** so yes

 **Shu Itsuki:** Do it.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Coward. 

**natsumeme:** just u wait

 **Shu Itsuki:** Time’s ticking.

 **natsumeme:** goddamn okay ill post it later 

**sakumannn:** Okay, sorry to change topic but Shu being weird exposure aside,

 **sakumannn:** I still don’t really understand this whole fleets thing

 **sakumannn:** It’s just... pictures?

 **natsumeme:** exposure lmfao

 **getawataroom:** yeah

 **sakumannn:** ... So why do people care about this

 **getawataroom:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

**natsumeme:** no clue

 **sakumannn:** Also who thought of the name fleets like

 **sakumannn:** It’s objectively bad

 **getawataroom:** oh it’s terrible

 **natsumeme:** literally who thought of it

 **natsumeme:** probably some dude who has a foot fetish

 **natsumeme:** lmfao imagine working at Twitter dot com and ur fetish guides ur creative vision can u imagine

 **fishboy:** :mikawhat:

 **getawataroom:** hold up

 **sakumannn:** A /what/

 **meek:** nacchan i—

 **Shu Itsuki:** A FOOT FETISH?

 **natsumeme:** ?????????? HELLO YES ????????/

 **natsumeme:** what’s WRONG with you guys 

**natsumeme:** “fleet” === “feet”

 **natsumeme:** what’s not clicking

 **natsumeme:** ??????????????????

 **Shu Itsuki:** Oh my god.

 **getawataroom:** who’s gonna tell him

 **meek:** not it

 **fishboy:** not it

 **getawataroom:** not it

 **sakumannn** : Not it

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... 

**Shu Itsuki: God damn it.**

**Shu Itsuki:** They’re called fleets.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Because they’re just temporary “stories.”

 **Shu Itsuki:** They’re /fleet/ing.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Fleets.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Not because of a foot fetish. What in the world is wrong with you.

 **natsumeme:** :mikawhat:

 **natsumeme:** WHAT

 **meek:** JSSJKSHDGIOSKJFSKLJFSKDSFKJ FOOT FETISH

 **natsumeme:** WTF

 **natsumeme:** THIS IS NOT MY FAULT THE BRANDING IS CLEARLY POINTING TOWARDS IT BEING LINKED TO A FOOT FETISH

 **Shu Itsuki:** ???? No it’s not?

 **getawataroom:** LMFAOOOOO

 **fishboy:** oh, nacchan... 

**natsumeme:** KANATA NII-SAN NO

 **natsumeme:** NOOO!!!!!

 **getawataroom:** lmfao natsume-kun struggle tweets

 **natsumeme:** I’M NOT STRUGGLING I’M LITERALLY JUST COMING TO ~LOGICAL~ CONCLUSIONS AKA DOING THINGS SHU NII-SAN /DOESN’T/ DO

 **Shu Itsuki:** Watch your tongue, boy.

 **natsumeme:** no fuck u 

**natsumeme:** fuck this entire update fuck this gc wtf “fleeting” my ASS

 **getawataroom:** ok foot fetish boy

 **natsumeme:** SHUT UP?

**getawataroom: (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞**

**natsumeme:** wtf now ur using the Me and Meeks™ emoji bye

 **natsumeme:** it’s trademarked u cant use it ur not allowed to

 **meek:** ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) 

**Shu Itsuki:** It’s an emoji. It’s practically in the public domain.

 **natsumeme:** UR in the public domain

 **Shu Itsuki:** No. 

**sakumannn:** Everything about this entire update is too complicated

 **natsumeme:** don’t worry about it grandpa wouldn’t want you hurting urself

 **sakumannn:** It’s fine though, I’ll figure it out eventually

 **Shu Itsuki:** If you need any help figuring it out, let me know.

 **Shu Itsuki:** I don’t particularly like using social media but I suppose it’s necessary for the kind of lifestyle we have.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Though I can’t imagine this new update being too difficult to figure out.

 **sakumannn:** Thank you Shu

 **Shu Itsuki:** You’re welcome.

 **meek:** heheheheh oshi-san can i be ur tech support again

 **Shu Itsuki:** Only if the need arises.

 **meek:** ok! *breaks ur phone*

 **meek:** i think u have a need now

 **Shu Itsuki:** And I think you better have an emergency fund saved up so you can replace my broken phone.

**meek:**

**natsumeme:** valkyrie stop roleplaying in the gc challenge

 **getawataroom:** failed

 **fishboy:** failed so hard shu’s phone actually breaks

 **Shu Itsuki:** ...

 **Shu Itsuki:** At this point I *wish* my phone was broken so I don’t have to interact with all of you.

 **getawataroom:** lol you know that we’ll just bother you in person you know right

 **sakumannn:** Cup phone

 **meek:** OOOOOOOOOHHHH CUP PHONE

 **meek:** i always wanted to try it T_T

 **natsumeme:** meeks i’ll call you on my cup phone

 **meek:** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ 

**natsumeme:** ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) 

**natsumeme:** we can be cup phone buddies

 **natsumeme:** cuddies 

**natsumeme:** (cup buddies)

 **meek:** OMG CUDDIES :D

 **getawataroom:** oh my god and they were cuddies

 **Shu Itsuki:** Please never say that word again.

 **getawataroom:** lol someone’s just jealous he doesn’t have a cuddie

 **sakumannn:** ??? I’m right here

 **fishboy:** ASHDFJKADSFNBSJAKHDFBAHK

 **fishboy:** REI?

 **sakumannn:** We frequently talk on the cup phone so ???

 **Shu Itsuki:** Rei, if you so much as even say that word again I will cut the string on your cup phone.

 **Shu Itsuki:** It’s a threat.

 **meek:** is that like blocking someone on twitter

 **meek:** but irl

 **fishboy:** sounds like it!

 **natsumeme:** ohhh noooooo what a nightmare not having to talk to shu nii-san looollllll

 **Shu Itsuki:** Right. What a nightmare.

 **Shu Itsuki:** That's why /you/ were the one to add me to this mess of a group chat.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Of course. 

**natsumeme:** ur only here cuz meeks would literally be in my dms all hours of the day being like NYEHHHHHHH WHERE’S OSHI-SANNNNNNN I REQUIRE HIMMM NYEEEHHHHHHH

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... 

**Shu Itsuki:** I see.

**_> Shu Itsuki_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_meek._ **

**Shu Itsuki:** Is that true?

 **meek:** wat

 **Shu Itsuki:** You know. What Natsume just said.

 **meek:** ??? what

 **Shu Itsuki:** In the group chat.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Forty five seconds ago.

 **meek:** huuuuuuuuuh

 **meek:** oh

 **meek:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **meek:** errrhrhmmmm

**_> meek_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_natsumeme._ **

**meek:** HAAALLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP

 **natsumeme:** what is the crisis this time

 **meek:** KAY SO

 **_meek_ ** _sent one image_

 **meek:** OSHI-SAN JUST DM’D ME THIS WAT DO I DO AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!????

 **natsumeme:** step one: calm

 **natsumeme:** step two: why are you panicking so badly

 **meek:** IDEKKKK!!!!!

 **meek:** i thought it was just a silly joke now m gettin grilled :(

 **meek:** hhngnngnhhghhhhn aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **natsumeme:** oh yeah it was

 **natsumeme:** i wasn’t trying to like 

**natsumeme:** idk

 **natsumeme:** suggest anything

 **natsumeme:** idk the. yknow

 **natsumeme:** Details™ 

**natsumeme:** of your guys relationship

 **natsumeme:** so i was just making a joke cuz you guys seem really close

 **natsumeme:** sorry

 **meek:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaa its ok

 **meek:** ;-;

 **natsumeme:** do you want me to talk to him

 **meek:** ... 

**meek:** yesplsnthankumuchly

 **natsumeme:** okay

**_> natsumeme_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_Shu Itsuki._ **

**natsumeme:** yo

 **Shu Itsuki:** What?

 **natsumeme:** i was just joking

 **natsumeme:** in the gc earlier

 **natsumeme:** so you can chill out

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... Okay.

**_> natsumeme_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_meek._ **

**natsumeme:** k i told him to chill 

**meek:** thank u ,,,, nacchan :)

 **natsumeme:** :)

**_> Shu Itsuki_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_meek._ **

**Shu Itsuki:** Nevermind.

 **Shu Itsuki:** Forget I said anything.

**_> Shu Itsuki_ ** _has opened a direct message with_ **_sakumannn._ **

**Shu Itsuki:** Rei.

 **Shu Itsuki:** I have an issue.

 **sakumannn:** I’m not talking to you

 **Shu Itsuki:** ???

 **sakumannn:** You don’t want to be my cup phone buddy

 **Shu Itsuki:** Rei, shut up. This is serious. 

**sakumannn:** Oh

 **sakumannn:** What’s up?

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... Is it wrong for me to want to become closer to Kagehira?

 **Shu Itsuki:** It would make our work as idols stronger, but…

 **Shu Itsuki:** It’s dangerous.

 **Shu Itsuki:** And I’m not entirely sure I’m completely over what happened with Nito yet.

 **Shu Itsuki:** So I just...

 **Shu Itsuki:** I don’t know.

 **sakumannn:** Oho,

 **sakumannn:** It just sounds like you’re afraid 

**sakumannn:** Of things changing, of not knowing what might happen

 **sakumannn:** And just like you said—getting closer with someone in your unit isn’t necessarily a bad thing

 **sakumannn:** So, I don’t think that it’s wrong

 **sakumannn:** But it’s up to you to decide what “closer” really means

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... 

**_> high school more like hell school_ **

**fishboy:** hi guys... 

**fishboy:** it got really quiet here! :o

 **getawataroom:** yeah where did you guys all go wtf

 **natsumeme:** Things

 **meek:** i was also doing Things

 **Shu Itsuki:** ... 

**sakumannn:** It’s past my bedtime

 **Shu Itsuki:** Go to bed.

 **meek:** it’s like 2pm

 **Shu Itsuki:** I never implied that he slept at healthy times. 

**natsumeme:** lol fuck going to bed

 **natsumeme:** y’all wanna play video games

 **sakumannn:** I’ll watch

 **meek:** AWWWW YISSSSSS

 **Shu Itsuki:** I suppose there’s no getting out of this one, is there.

 **getawataroom:** empty classroom on the third floor?

 **natsumeme:** empty classroom on the third floor

 **natsumeme:** be there in 10 minutes 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Again that was a ~wild~ ride (foot fetish) 
> 
> :mikawhat:
> 
> okay so i am sleepy and i am going to go to bed after my friends yell at/with me so UHHHHHHHH.... join my server and follow me on twitter 
> 
> if you like my content please consider supporting me!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/sakradevi) | [my other works](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakradevi/works) | [valkyrieP discord server](https://discord.gg/Dc5KQs6uF3) ☆彡


	3. you light my (dumpster) fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> natsume has an announcement, bones are metaphorically broken, discussion of consuming things that should not be consumed, uno from hell, mika invents new things to call natsume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI i didn't abandon this my life just got crazy 
> 
> i started law school this week can you believe that someone who writes this shit is in law school HAH i can't anyways I'm ill take this update

**natsumeme:** you

**natsumeme:** you guys

**natsumeme:** people of this group chat

**Shu Itsuki:** ... For reasons I’ll never be able to ascertain, that’s me. 

**Shu Itsuki:** What is it.

**getawataroom:** (peeks my head into the room)

**getawataroom:** (listens)

**getawataroom:** (smirks)

**getawataroom:** (uses my ridiculously long legs to slide on in)

**getawataroom:** (breaks shu’s knees with a baseball bat)

**getawataroom:** (jazz hands)

**Shu Itsuki:** Why are you like this.

**sakumannn:** Theater kid

**Shu Itsuki:** ... Ah.

**Shu Itsuki:** I’ll be seeing myself out, then. 

**natsumeme:** (joins you in breaking shu nii-san’s knees)

**natsumeme:** (strikes a jojo pose)

**meek:** nakkun his knees are already broken what are you doing

**natsumeme:** you have to double tap

**sakumannn:** Double tap?

**natsumeme:** yeah 

**natsumeme: you know in like**

**natsumeme:** zombie movies?

**natsumeme:** you’re like, supposed to shoot the zombie twice just in case the first time you killed it you fucked up 

**natsumeme:** so i’m double tapping

**natsumeme:** to make sure that bitch stays dead

**meek:** OOOH! i gotchu!!!

**meek:** that makes sense ^__^

**meek:** *double taps oshi-san*

**meek:** like this?

**natsumeme:** yeah 

**Shu Itsuki:** What, so I’m a zombie now?

**Shu Itsuki:** How dare you compare me to such foul—

**Shu Itsuki:** Wait a minute. Hold up.

**Shu Itsuki:** Kagehira. 

**meek:** oshi-san

**Shu Itsuki:** Sigh.

**Shu Itsuki:** I have concerns but I’m not going to talk about them. 

**natsumeme:** (cue the biggest eye roll of my entire high school career) (bangs pots and pans at a deafening volume) LEARN TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!!! LEARN TO COMMUNICATE!!! DING DING DING

**getawataroom:** lmfao you think we do that in this household?

**Shu Itsuki:** Why is Family Therapist Natsume coming out while we’re discussing hypothetical scenarios in which

**getawataroom:** (grabs my bat) you think this is hypothetical?

**Shu Itsuki:** ... Yes? Why wouldn’t I? This is all occurring over a group chat. Over the internet. While you’re down the hall or whatever in class or something. 

**Shu Itsuki:** The very nature of this is hypothetical.

**getawataroom:** (starts swinging)

**natsumeme:** THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGGGGG

**natsumeme:** MEEKS YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

**meek:** AYE AYE

**meek:** (runs away)

**natsumeme:** meeks.

**natsumeme:** meeks we had this conversation nineteen times already ur not supposed to run not when the girls are fighting

**fishboy:** zombies hm... sounds like fun, creative, 30-minute meals for the whole family :)

**meek:** HELLO?

**fishboy:** :)

**natsumeme:** agreed. who’s placing the takeout order for tonight

**fishboy:** not me... 

**fishboy:** ahhh,~ today, i would like to propose something different for how i go about my life

**fishboy:** instead of channeling my inner fish, i will be channeling my inner rachael ray

**sakumannn:** Your

**sakumannn:** Your inner... Rachael Ray

**sakumannn:** I don’t even know if I want to know what that means

**meek:** what

**meek:** literally i just

**meek:** what is happening

**natsumeme:** shu nii-san is meeks making The Face again

**Shu Itsuki:** Yes.

**natsumeme:** HAH

**meek:** E

**getawataroom:** kanata what in the fresh fuck are you on

**getawataroom:** and how i can get some

**sakumannn:** Damn me too

**fishboy:** high on life :)

**sakumannn:** Like... literally?

**sakumannn:** Like... drugs? That are just... life?

**fishboy:** live laugh love bitch :)

**getawataroom:** BYE

**getawataroom:** HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP WHAT IS THIS

**natsumeme:** STOP KANATA NII-SAN DID NOT JUST LIVE LAUGH LOVE REI NII-SAN IN THE GC GOOD BYE I AM DECEASED

**Shu Itsuki:** Maybe you’ll finally stop being obnoxious in death.

**natsumeme:** you absolute Buffoon the tomfoolery does not ever come to an end i am feral i have rabies and i WILL commit crimes

**natsumeme:** *steals shu nii-san’s credit card*

**Shu Itsuki:** Hey now.

**getawataroom:** you’re an all star

**natsumeme:** get your game on

**meek:** go play!!!!

**Shu Itsuki:** If I didn’t care about my face to the extent that I do, I would proceed to go bang my head against the nearest door.

**Shu Itsuki:** Unfortunately for all of you, I won’t be doing that.

**Shu Itsuki:** (Today.)

**getawataroom:** my boy kanata coming in with the piping hot takes only to disappear like a leaf in the wind

**getawataroom:** where did he go

**fishboy:** good bye~

**meek:** HOLD UP U CAN’T JUST SHOW UP AND TALK ABOUT IMPLIED HUMAN CONSUMPTION WITHOUT A WORD????

**sakumannn:** But he just did

**meek:** BUT

**meek:** WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT FINDS THAT CONCERNING

**meek:** D:

**natsumeme:** now that i have gathered you rather unsightly bunch of mentally ill teenagers

**natsumeme:** (minus meeks. you’re sick but i have a soft spot for you.)

**meek:** (wait nakkun am i included in The Bunch)

**natsumeme:** (yes and no. you are in The Bunch but you are not unsightly)

**meek:** (ok thank you nakkun)

**Shu Itsuki:** ... /Ahem./

**getawataroom:** omg shu is writing in janky italics that’s how u know it’s prime time to break some more knees lmfaoooo

**sakumannn:** HOW DID YOU DO THAT

**natsumeme:** you can call tech support later rei nii-san and as much as i hate to admit it shu nii-san has a point

**natsumeme:** because i have an important announcement

**getawataroom:** i would like to make a guess

**natsumeme:** no

**getawataroom:** you’re coming out to us as Heterosexual

**natsumeme:** No, Not That

**meek:** OMG

**meek:** OMG NAKKUN

**meek:** UR PERGANAN????!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?

**natsumeme:** i’m /WHAT/

**meek:** YA KNOW

**meek:** PERGERZ

**natsumeme:** ??????????? (in French)

**Shu Itsuki:** I think he’s trying to say “pregnant.”

**getawataroom:** wow 

**getawataroom:** where would we be if our resident frenchaboo was absent from this ever important meeting. our only translator slash interpreter 

**Shu Itsuki:** That’s not even a real word.

**getawataroom:** sorry i dont know french im just improvising

**Shu Itsuki:** Well, you’re doing a terrible job. If you’re going to belittle me, at least do it well.

**sakumannn:** Is it poke fun at Shu day? :)

**getawataroom:** every day my dude 

**Shu Itsuki:** God.

**fishboy:** you rang? :)

**sakumannn:** Kanataaaaaa

**fishboy:** reiiiiii

**natsumeme:** (slaps hands on the table) GUYS

**natsumeme:** I HAVE AN IMPORTANT THING TO SAY

**natsumeme:** UNRELATED TO MY SEXUALITY OR ABILITY TO GIVE BIRTH STATUS

**sakumannn:** What’s the announcement?

**sakumannn:** You have my on my toes

**getawataroom:** mmmm toes

**natsumeme:** EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WE ARE NOT DOING THIS NOT RIGHT NOW

**getawataroom:** can we do it later then

**fishboy:** wataru i am this close to committing a felony

**_fishboy_ ** _ sent one image _

**fishboy:** this close.

**getawataroom:** your fingers are touching

**fishboy:** run.

**natsumeme:** toe likers and attempted murder aside, i wanna play a game

**meek:** OMG GAMES

**Shu Itsuki:** ... 

**meek:** OSHI-SAN U GOTTA PLAY THE GAME IT’LL BE SO FUN OMG!!! :D

**Shu Itsuki:** ... Maybe.

**Shu Itsuki:** But... I think all of us have better things to do. Like, pay attention in class. 

**sakumannn:** I’m a senior do you think I care?

**fishboy:** seconded

**getawataroom:** right like why do i even need to go to class

**getawataroom:** “you must take 5 credits of history to graduate” we’re literally in idol school 

**getawataroom:** what is the reasoning behind this im

**getawataroom:** is someone going to hop on stage in the middle of my performance and hold me at gunpoint until i perfectly recite the bill of rights and explain why the battle of yorktown was historically significant 

**Shu Itsuki:** No, because we live in Japan.

**Shu Itsuki:** We’re literally Japanese.

**getawataroom:** okay well damn sorry i guess i was temporarily possessed by the spirit of some person in Connecticut or whatever who went through 13 years of american public education i’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again sheesh 

**fishboy:** what game is it?

**natsumeme:** i wanna play uno

**getawataroom:** HELLLLL YEAHHHHHHHHHHH

**getawataroom:** LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO LETS GOOOOOO

**getawataroom:** (to the tune of the bill nye op)

**sakumannn:** Why did you phrase that like it’s an anime why why whyyy

**fishboy:** bill nye is my favorite anime

**natsumeme:** ANYWAYS HERE’S THE UNO LINK LET’S GO YOU ALL ALREADY KNOW HOW TO PLAY UNO AND IF YOU DON’T SUCK IT UP AND FIGURE IT OUT

**_natsumeme_ ** _ sent one link _

**Shu Itsuki:** I’ve never played this before.

**natsumeme:** well then figure it outs its fucking uno its not hard

**Shu Itsuki:** Why are all of my cards red?

**sakumannn:** Oh, Rei

**fishboy:** here we gooooo

**fishboy:** oh nice my turn is first

**meek:** WHY BLUE WHYYYYY

**fishboy:** three

**meek:** you put down a 7

**fishboy:** no.

**fishboy:** three

**fishboy:** is the number of guesses you get for why i put down a blue card

**meek:** D:

**sakumannn:** Let’s go let’s go let’s go

**getawataroom:** hehe.

**natsumeme:** ASHD8FD0Gyhat9shinkafouH08YGT9THPGATSN

**fishboy:** OH NO

**sakumannn:** Playing dirty

**getawataroom:** it’s in the rules draw 4 cards are uno legal

**natsumeme:** is that like street legal

**meek:** OSHI-SAN WHY DO U HAVE SO MANY CARDS 0__0

**Shu Itsuki:** I’m... a collector?

**sakumannn:** Never in my life did I think that I would find someone who’s this bad at Uno

**sakumannn:** Shu, even I’m better than you which is saying way more about your character than I’m sure you’d like

**Shu Itsuki:** Shut up, Rei. I don’t know the rules. I’m just clicking things randomly. Of course I’m lousy at this.

**meek:** oshi-san i will help u :)

**Shu Itsuki:** Thank you, Kagehira.

**meek:** okie i just put down a card it will help u :)

**getawataroom:** 911 I JUST WITNESSED A MURDER

**natsumeme:** IT’S LIKE TURN 4 HOW DO YOU HAVE 16 CARDS WE STARTED WITH 7 HELLO????

**meek:** ASKLHFDSFWUDFJOKAFASFA I HAD TOO M SORRY OSHI-SAN IT WAS NECESSARY I HAVE TO WIN!!!!!

**Shu Itsuki:** ...I trusted you, Kagehira.

**sakumannn:** You sent the poor guy into an emo phase

**natsumeme:** that’s rich coming from hot topic himself

**sakumannn:** Ok Eboy

**natsumeme:** fuck you

**getawataroom:** hey shu you have a Collector friend now 

**getawataroom:** his name is natsume-kun

**getawataroom:** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ 

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**natsumeme:** .

**fishboy:** omg he’s ratioing you 

**meek:** nakkun coming for blood

**natsumeme:** on GOD.

**fishboy:** WTF

**fishboy:** i wish i could change my username on here if i could i’d make it reiphobic

**sakumannn:** Fufu, 

**fishboy:** stay back you are a disease

**sakumannn:** Wink

**natsumeme:** UGHHHHHHHHH

**Shu Itsuki:** I have 8 cards now. Yay.

**meek:** i have 2 :)

**natsumeme:** WHAT THE FUCK

**sakumannn:** I think we might have a winner soon

**natsumeme:** I HOPE THE FUCK NOT BECAUSE IT’S NOT GONNA BE ME

**meek:** (does a gay little victory wiggle)

**meek:** awwwwww yiisssss :D

**natsumeme:** FUCK UUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**natsumeme:** >:(

**getawataroom:** ok let’s keep going if nothing else i need to beat natsume’s heterosexual ass

**natsumeme:** I ALREADY SAID I’M NOT HET

**fishboy:** sounds like something a hettie would say

**meek:** JKSASFHDIOWSHGSJKGSKJGHDSJKGO HETTIE

**natsumeme:** for legal purposes if kanata nii-san goes missing tonight i had nothing to do with it

**Shu Itsuki:** ... I’ll prepare a search party in advance.

**natsumeme:** not if you’re missing too

**Shu Itsuki:** For legal purposes, Natsume is going to commit a crime and I am about to become a victim.

**meek:** isn’t he always committing crimes tho

**natsumeme:** yes

**getawataroom:** yes

**fishboy:** yes

**sakumannn:** Yes

**fishboy:** oh

**fishboy:** i’m free from uno hell now

**meek:** welcome 2 da winner chill pad :D 

**Shu Itsuki:** Same. Thanks for putting down a green one, I think. I’m still randomly clicking things but I somehow got down to one card and now I have none.

**natsumeme:** NO

**natsumeme:** WHAT THE FUCK

**natsumeme:** NO FUCKING WAY

**natsumeme:** I LOST TO /SHU NII-SAN/ OF ALL PEOPLE???

**natsumeme:** BYE

**sakumannn:** Uh

**sakumannn:** I think we’re stuck

**getawataroom:** we’re definitely stuck

**getawataroom:** NATSUME

**getawataroom:** GET BACK HERE

**natsumeme:** no i’m busy

**natsumeme:** sulking

**natsumeme:** burdened by the weight of my struggles, the trials and tribulations overwhelming me as i try and crawl my way out of the well that is my depression and suffering. the torment is imment and never ending as i am plunged all the way to the bottom everytime i try to climb out. it’s hell on earth.

**sakumannn:** Jesus fuck and you called me Hot Topic?

**getawataroom:** natsume stop being emo on main for ONE (1) second and get back in this uno game

**natsumeme:** what is even the point

**getawataroom:** SO WE CAN FINISH BECAUSE IT’S STUCK ON YOU FOR YOUR TURN

**natsumeme:** ??????????? SKIP ME I’M DONE WITH THIS

**sakumannn:** I don’t think we can

**Shu Itsuki:** Oh my god does this group ever go a day without struggling. 

**natsumeme:** shu nii-san you’re still on my to-do agenda

**meek:** (spits out drink) WHAT

**fishboy:** i think he means to-do as in, like

**fishboy:** murder

**meek:** OHHHHHH! that kinda to-do

**meek:** alrighty :D

**meek:** wait.

**meek:** not alrighty D:

**getawataroom:** oh my god

**natsumeme:** ok there i went this game sucks ass

**sakumannn:** Thank you, Natsume~ 

**natsumeme:** FUCK YOU

**getawataroom:** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ 

**natsumeme:** OMG

**natsumeme:** NO WAY NO WAY I LOST

**natsumeme:** NO FUCKING WAY IM DONE GOOD BYE

**sakumannn:** Sore loser

**natsumeme:** are u surprised u already know this

**sakumannn:** I’m not surprised, but I’ll still point it out because I like to point fun at you

**natsumeme:** i’m going to bite your fingers

**Shu Itsuki:** Okay, no. This conversation is stopping here. Rei, stop typing. 

**sakumannn:** No

**Shu Itsuki:** The nearest wall is looking especially good right now.

**fishboy:** (chanting) brain damage! brain damage! 

**Shu Itsuki:** What the hell.

**getawataroom:** this conversation can’t end because one of us just has to start acting feral

**natsumeme:** ok no everyone game’s over go home this was a dumpster fire and my fantastic amazing idea ended up being terrible i am done with everything

**meek:** the bell does not dismiss u. the sound of a salty nakkun dismisses u

**natsumeme:** bitch ass

**meek:** binch

**natsumeme:** dipshit

**meek:** gamer girl bath water

**natsumeme:** blue footed booby

**Shu Itsuki:** Okay, that’s enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i am the person in connecticut who went through 13 years of american public education and i temporarily possessed wataru (the possession will be ongoing for as long as i write this fic but what he knows won’t hurt him) 
> 
> thank u for reading this fic is so fun to write sorry if you thought i was sane this fic proves otherwise <3 
> 
> (plugs my server again) the Uno Incident was based on a True Story and some of the Iconic Quotes in this chapter were ripped from said incident... join the valk server for more uno chaos (in addition to the usual chaos. these chapters are titled for a reason)
> 
> if you like my content please consider supporting me!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/sakradevi) | [my other works](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakradevi/works) | [valkyrieP discord server](https://discord.gg/HFAyXUN) ☆彡


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